Great participation in Germignaga for the evening with the professor Craftsmen, to the discovery of the”age tsunami”

Published on May 05, 2017

(emmepi) “this evening, where we will share thoughts and reflections, are present as a therapist, but also father. Port to your children all the solidarity of Jacopo, the eldest sixteen-year-old of my four children.” With these words Alberto Craftsmen has presented to more than 200, including parents, teachers, educators, flocked, Wednesday, may 3, at the gymnasium of the Secondary School of Germignaga, to witness the second of four meetings on the theme “Adolescence: precautions for use”. Great participation in Germignaga for the evening with the professor Craftsmen, to the discovery of the”age tsunami”. The initiative, sponsored by the Time Bank, in collaboration with about twenty Associations of the territory, has the patronage of the towns of Germignaga and Maccagno with Pino and Veddasca, which contributed to supporting the organisation of events in the calendar. This virtual network also collaborates with the Language high School “V. Sereni” of Luino, in that, within the scope of the project alternation school/work, has made available to his female students Ilaria Arlotta, Greta Congiusti, Giorgia Cremonese, and Alice Lopesa to manage the public reception and co-ordinate interventions at the end of the conference. The theme of the evening, “Teenagers in the journey towards autonomy”, it was about the challenges of childhood and the responsibility of the parents. Professor Craftsmen, a doctor, a researcher at the University of Milan, psychotherapist, evolutionary age, it deals with prevention in the developmental age and training teachers, parents, and professionals in the field. He is the author of many bestsellers, has won many literary awards and in 2004, the Ministry of Health awarded him the Silver medal of merit of public health. What we need, then, and what thoughts we have to enter in the educational project on the pre - /early adolescence, age in which our children bring us more difficulties? Who has become my son, “patatone” that you wore, you (yard) painted, acted like we wanted to us? “This is a period of acceleration is strong, with great educational challenges, characterized by two aspects: the early (to do the things that make the big without the knowledge of evolution), and the great feeling of fatigue of the parents, mental and emotional”. It is the age where our kids put us in the most difficulty, because they play against us, forcing us to cover the territory of growth, engaging in a tug of war with results that are hardly unpredictable. “I can not be what you think: I must become something else; my body is no longer in your hands; you don't come in my room, you will not have the password to my social profile, nor will you be one of my contacts”. These are just some of the challenges which daily confront the parent of a pre-adolescent for whom the gaze of the peer group is more important than mom and dad. “One of labours biggest that make our children, it is the look with the eyes of one who looks into them will their worst nightmare, to be judged of losers because they are in the script, aesthetic decided by the group, as often happens to the girls about the inadequacy of your body, victims of stereotypes, that the farther away from their true self. However, this is not a work of negation, but of regeneration, as if it were the birth of a new person, which, however, does not know who he is. What are we to make, then, of us who are at the other end of the rope? We have to pull stronger? We must stay on the scene? We need to let go? Some parents cannot tolerate their children to take their space of autonomy, they are sometimes anxious or full of pretensions. In fact the adult should stand in the discussion: “I Am what life has made me become or what I wanted to be?” This is reflected on the so-called son a “nerd”, which in reality is trying to meet the expectation of the parents, but not the one that he has on himself. Also “the anxiety of the parent responding to the desire of autonomy of the children”. How to accompany them, then, in this path? Only the stakes, limits, and borders will turn us into enemies perennial; to exercise a proper control, will support growth. In this context, the problem related to the technologies: ten years ago, the mobile phone has entered the life of a guy only in high schools; five years ago, was given for Confirmation, three years ago, became one of the gifts for the first Communion. The damage that the kids make with mobile phones are one of the strong themes of the parents of today: “We have put in the hands of our children with complex instruments is that we do not know to use. We are clearing a online life, leaving our children at the mercy of a world that does not know how to handle, and we are not sure who is in that area that our children have the skills to manage themselves”. At what age, then, give away the phone? The prof. Craftsmen is in no doubt: at the end of the school. This “object of desire” is perceived as a true “leash electronic”, which allows parents to take control of their children. Sin often becomes a double-edged sword, which he keeps in check, mom and dad, when you do not answer deliberately, to the dozens of calls received. In this struggle between protection and autonomy, it is not enough to worry about the physical safety of children: you need to be sufficiently attentive to the psychological, that can be put in danger while remaining in the privacy of their own room, when you browse the net on the dangerous websites. “That's why it is necessary to support growth while avoiding the "online life" becomes self-detrimental or hetero-detrimental; it is important to create a garrison to avoid the transgressions become exaggerated”. Therefore, our children need to have adults as allies? They do well to pull the rope in order to understand what are the limits? And if the parents decide to let go of the rope, with the risk of putting them in the pies? Up to 14/15 years old there is a different degree of maturity between the cognitive brain and the emotional, and the latter runs much faster. Only after 16 years, little by little, the cognitive will take the upper hand. Then the adult must not be your best friend, or your worst enemy: it only needs to be a true adult, which involves the pre-adolescent in positive experiences: playing together, going on a trip alone (the mom with the daughter, and the father of the male child), finding the areas of alliance, to become a parent, good enough, able to reflect on his errors and adjust the shot. Without taking itself too seriously, because perfection is not of this world”.

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